Seedy Character

One of the drawbacks/pluses of coaching my son's Little League team? I've picked up a full-blown sunflower seed addiction. That's right, I've become a seeder. Every game, I gotta have my bag. I know it's a nasty habit, but I have it under control. That is, I thought it did - until last night.

The neighbor across the street from me puts a TV out in his driveway on nice nights every spring/summer/fall so all the guys (and some gals) can get together to watch sports, drink beer and eat hot dogs, and maybe, sometimes, occasionally, complain about our home lives. It's hard to explain to outsiders but, for better or for worse, I think the Black Hole (as it's lovingly referred to) is the glue that holds our neighborhood together.

Anyway, last night was the first night back in the Hole this year and we're all watching the Phillies game (even the missus), and it feels like something's missing. Not beer (always plenty of that) and not the hot dogs, I knew they would be coming later. What was missing? My seeds. I can no longer watch a baseball game, not even on TV, without them.

During an inning break, I crack (no seed pun intended). I get in my car and drive down to the Little League field to pick up a bag. Yes, everyone laughed (especially the missus), but I also think I saw specks of concern in their eyes. Concern about my now-very-public addiction. Of course, those specks in their eyes could have just been ash coming over from the grill.

So I head down to the field and the concession stand is CLOSED! And there was still a game going on! That never happens. Now I'm starting to sweat. (Did my neighbors have anything to do with the stand being closed? What about the missus? Now that I think about it, she has always been jealous of my sunflower seeds. True story: just last week she tried to give me a pack of seeds that were Jalapeno - and stale to boot! Tried to pass it off as a nice gesture. HA!) Thinking fast, I hop back in the car and go down to the Kwik-E-Mart and thank God, they have sunflower seeds. Two different brands and about eight different flavors. But don't give me any of that haute cuisine crap, my David's Original is just fine, thank you very much.

Back at the Hole everyone acted like they weren't plotting against me. Right. But I'll be ready for their inevitable intervention. See, I'll tell them, I don't eat seeds to feed an addiction, I eat seeds to feed my mind. That's right, right on the back of the pack, there's a little vocabulary lesson:

Seeders are unique. They're cool, confident, independent, active and hard working. They know that eating DAVID Sunflower Seeds makes what they do more enjoyable. Things are better with DAVID because they're a snack and an activity. Experience SNACKTIVITY .

You read right, folks, snacktivity. S-N-A-C-K-T-I-something, something, something. See if you learn that in your fancy English books. (Okay, so most of my neighbors don't have fancy English books, but the word wouldn't be there anyway. Come to think of it, most of the words used in the Hole wouldn't be in there).

And besides, I'll say to them, spitting seeds is an activity a snacktivity I can stop anytime I want.

Comments

[Matt]

Hey, it sounds like you've got things under control. When you start hunting through the trash for uncracked seeds, I'll start to feel worried.

[Donna]

Sunflower seed spitting is the most hateful thing about this season! Did you actually spit in front of your neighbors? What next? Chewin towbakky?

[Janie]

I love sunflowers seed but I buy them already shelled. No disgusting spitting here...

[albert]

david sells packs that have a "spit cup" with it. i think seeds go hand in hand with baseball, but i think it has no place in say, the workplace. one of my former co-workers used to eat seeds all day right at his cubicle spitting out seeds into a big cup all day. ugh. good guy though, but disgusting to have a cup full of semi-masticated seed shells on his desk.

[Mark]

Matt - If my dealer (the consession stand) stays closed, I may be forced to hit those trash cans!

Donna - Grosser than all the crotch grabbing?

Janie - Already shelled? Boooorrrriinnngg.

Albert - Ugh is right. Nasty.

[Teddy]

GIANTS sunflower seeds are far better than Davids little seeds.