The Long Cut ...we'll get there eventually

Bullet Train Of Thoughts

Where I write like Larry King:

• Anyone who tells you that cartography is glamorous has never shopped for a plotter.
• Donuts in the morning + Mexican for lunch + church pancake dinner = Fat Tuesday.
• Spring arrives: first little league team meeting tomorrow.
• Curious about the beer on my shirt in the new "about" photo? It's Bahamian, and not very good.
• Brew of the week at Starbucks - Kenya. Blah, I'm not digging it.
• I am digging The Amazing Race. After stumbling last season, Phil and friends have got their mojo working again.
• More AR - Favorite couple: the Nerds. Also liking the Sisters.
• State Efforts to Help Women Avoid Unintended Pregnancy: Not liking how New Jersey (43rd) ranked in this.
• 34% - this I am liking.
• My Lenten sacrifice: nail biting.
• Meatless Fridays in Lent: Roman Catholic = Required. Episcopalian = Optional.
• BBQ anyone? Say... Friday?
• ummmm...

I could have sworn I had more to say. How did Larry do it?

Three's Company

Always with the threes. [Or maybe not?]

I was going to write something up about Don Knotts dying, mostly because I was afraid that all the "I love the eighties" bloggers out there would stress Knotts' work on Three's Company, but that hasn't seemed to have happened. Which is good, because it really wasn't his greatest work and I don't think posting photos of Mr. Knotts wearing a polyester ascot does his legacy any good.

Me? I'll remember him most as one of the stars of the Apple Dumpling Gang movies, which just the mention of takes me right back to sitting on a folding metal chair in my grade school's cafeteria at a rare movie-time assembly. It will always be what I think of first when I think of Tim Conway, too.

What's really weird about two other recent deaths is that I have often mistakenly referred to Darren McGavin as "Darren McCloud." And now, McGavin and McCloud have died.

Eerie....

*********************************************************************************************************

A note of thanks to all of you who wrote in about the whole All Fruit-related hubbub. Your words of support have given me the confidence to attack the works of Messrs. Knotts, McCloud McGavin, and Weaver without giving a fig what their widows think. Plus, I get to finally use a post I've been sitting on, the one about how big a prick Orvil Redenbacher was. Thanks again!

Dream Team

(about three a.m. last night / this morning):

me: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

missus: hey, hey, wake up.

me: oh, man, did i just scream out loud?

missus: yeah.

me: whoa, i dreamt something about a pit bull.

missus: okay, go back to sleep.

me (thinking to myself): man, that was weird.

me (thinking): i remember i was shoveling snow...

me (thinking): with a rake...

me (out loud): whoa.

missus: yeah, go back to sleep.

me (thinking): and it was on market street [in philly]...

me (thinking): and i was thinking how some lucky store owner...

me (thinking): was getting his walk cleared for free...

me (out loud): wow.

missus: okay, c'mon, back to sleep.

me (thinking): and then out of nowhere...

me (thinking): a pit bull just jumped out out at me...

me (out loud): man, sorry about that.

missus: 'salright, go back to sleep.

me (thinking): so when I screamed in my dream, i must have...

me (thinking): and i remember my scream sounded like...

me (thinking): hey, i wonder if...

me (out loud to the missus): hey, when I screamed, did it sound...

missus: high-pitched? yeah. go back to sleep.

me: Like a... woman?

missus: Yep.

missus: [Laughs head off].

me (thinking): damn, i should have just gone back to sleep.

In A Jam

Sometimes I worry about saying something flip about someone and that person finding my blog and getting (rightfully) offended, but this comment has thrown me for a loop.

I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong, and yet, I still feel pretty bad.

Cover Me

Three cover albums on my wish list:

Out now:

Tiny Cities - Sun Kil Moon covering Modest Mouse.

Coming soon:

Under The Covers Vol. I - Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs doing classic duets.

In the works:

The Seeger Sessions - Bruce Springsteen gets folky with some Pete Seeger tunes.

But, Dude, Skynyrd's Gonna Be There!

I've always preferred the Clash over the Sex Pistols, but you gotta love Johnny Rotten & company's response to being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (on their fifth ballot). [Story here.]

No Friday Random Ten today - I'm home in bed fighting a sinus infection. Want free (and legal and good) music downloads? Jenny Lewis (she of Rilo Kiley fame) has all but one of the songs from her excellent new disc on her record company's website. For free. No joke. [Via Elastic Heart].

Bear With Me Here

If you read Verbatim (and if you don't, you should), you know that one out of every five envelopes sent out by NetFlix are sent to Karen's house. Karen recently watched the documentary Grizzly Man but had to wait a day before reviewing it. I'm not sure what exactly gave Karen pause, but I can tell you that I watched the film about a month ago and spent a week trying to figure out what to say about it. I finally just gave up.

I had trouble with reviewing the documentary because if I didn't know better, I'd swear it was a Christopher Guest-style parody of nature films. You can even imagine Guest throwing on a "dutch boy" wig and playing the part of Timothy Treadwell himself. Treadwell lived in the wild for parts of about a dozen years to help "save" the grizzlies of Alaska.

Except it doesn't seem like the bears really needed his help, seeing how they lived on a protected reserve. And it seems that Treadwell was, as the Spanish might say, "más loco que una cabra." And the local coroner is kinda weird, as are Treadwell's friends, his girlfriend, the helicopter pilot, etc. Even the film's director, Werner Herzog, is a bit off-kilter. Plenty of opportunities for a pretty good farce. Except Treadwell and his girlfriend died - killed by one of the bears they were supposedly protecting - so I found it hard to approach this with my usual meanness. So I gave up.

Now that Karen has posted about it, I feel like I should give it another shot. So here is my best attempt at a review of Grizzly Man:

What she said.

(I especially agree with Karen's praise for the Richard Thompson soundtrack).

Huh, that wasn't as difficult to write as I thought it would be.

Next Time It's Tipsy McStagger's Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium For Me

Yesterday my out-of-the-office work duties (shopping for plotters, if you must know) forced me and a couple co-workers to grab lunch on the road. Since we were stuck in a particularly extra-boonified section of boonies, we ended up going to the mall and eating at Houlihan's. I haven't been in a Houlihan's since forever, but as soon as I walked in the door it was obvious that nothing has changed in since my last visit. Decor, servers' unis, the food choices - all seemed the exact same as a decade ago (although it looks like they got rid of their "World Beer Tour" club. Pity).

I got what I'm pretty sure was one of their healthier meals  -  a cup of chicken-tortilla soup and half a french dip sandwich. I say "pretty sure" because I couldn't verify that. Houlihan's is one of the few  national restaurants that doesn't post its nutritional information on the web. What is up with that? What are you afraid of, Mr. Houlihan (if that is your real name)? Even Fatty McFattie's post their food info, including the heart-stopping data on the McGriddles.

Houlihans needs to stop worrying so much about their servers' chotchkies and more about their customers' health. ["Chotchkies", as you sharp-eyed readers know, is my second Office Space reference today. With the Simpsons-inspired post title, I believe I have reached a state of supreme geekiness.]

Take A Couple Chances, My Progress It Advances

Martin Sexton obviously likes to take chances. That he is a soulful folk singer who likes to belt the high notes while laying down the low bass makes him pretty hard to classify. On 1996’s Black Sheep, his first “real” (i.e. non-demo) CD, he makes pigeonholing him even harder by dipping into jazz, pop, country, and even some gypsy music. The songs range from introspective to playful.

This might make Black Sheep - album number two in my goal of listening to 52 new (to me) CDs in 2006 - sound like the disc should be written off as the usual scattershot smorgasbord of songs that young, undiscovered singers put out there hoping something - anything - will stick with the major-record A&R guys. But Sexton never sounds like he’s uncomfortable with the many musical styles on Black Sheep, and the songs somehow flow into each other quite nicely.

My only experience with this album, before Karen was nice enough to send it to me, was the AAA-format mini-hit “Diner.” A tribute to those Airstream-looking shiny shiny eateries, “Diner” stands out from the rest of the disc’s love-gone-wrong tunes. It’s bouncy, playful, and uses every musical trick in the book while never sounding like a blatant attempt at that AAA-format mini-hit. Sexton seems to know that the song is clever and strong and sings it with full-blast confidence. It’s a shame that my local AAA station, WXPN, has played it to death. Listening to it with my headphones while running took me back to when it first came out and it was still fun to listen to.

The rest of the CD, which is filled with the kind of songwriting you would expect from someone who makes most of their income on the road, is performed with just as much confidence as “Diner,” just not as playfully.

Even though his songwriting didn’t stand out for me it didn’t hurt the album either, since Sexton’s strength is really his voice. His mix of R&B over folksy sounds works because the R&B isn’t (for the most part) overblown and the folk isn’t overlooked. While Sexton’s unique voice - which reminded me at times of Van Morrison or Cat Stevens - is a welcome change from the sameness of other folk troubadours, there are times when his high notes go on a little too long. This sometimes brings him dangerously close to the bombastic “soul” of Mark Cohn or even, um, uh, Michael Bolton.

Luckily, Sexton never crosses that line. And by the time your brain perceives one of this album’s few sour notes, Sexton has already moved on to another music style.

Good stuff. Thanks, Karen!

[This post’s title is taken from the album’s title track.]

It Depends On What Your Definition Of "Pro-Life" Is

I'm always happy when something happens that shows what a joke capital punishment is. Right now, California finds itself in the unfortunate position of being the punchline to that joke:

State officials on Tuesday postponed indefinitely the execution of a condemned killer, saying they would be unable to comply with a judge's order that a medical professional administer the lethal injection.

Prison authorities called off the execution after failing to find a doctor, nurse, or other person licensed to inject medications to give a fatal dose of barbiturate, said Vernell Crittendon, a spokesman for San Quentin State Prison.

"We are unable to have a licensed medical professional come forward to inject the medication intravenously, causing the life to end," he said.

Damn those medical professionals and their code of ethics.

U.S. District Judge Jeremy Fogel gave prison officials a choice last week: bring in doctors to ensure Morales was properly anesthetized, or skip the usual paralyzing and heart-stopping drugs and execute him with an overdose of a sedative.

Prison officials had planned to press forward with the execution Tuesday night using the second option. The judge approved that decision, but said the sedative must be administered in the execution chamber by a person who is licensed by the state to inject medications intravenously. That group would include doctors, nurses and other medical technicians.

Except, yep, that "do no harm" thingy got in the way. They couldn't find a single doctor who would do the deadly deed.

The state notified the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals late Tuesday afternoon that it did not intend to go forward with the execution, said Cathy Catterson, a clerk for the 9th Circuit.

But this is what the Bush White House has wanted all along, right? I mean, just a few years ago they were arguing that it wasn't a doctor's job to kill:

Attorney General John Ashcroft had ordered doctors in the state not to comply with a law allowing them to prescribe lethal doses of medication.

He ordered that doctors and pharmacists prescribing lethal doses of drugs should have their prescription licenses revoked.

And let's not forget Ashcroft's old boss George "err on the side of life" Dubya:

"I think it's important to promote a culture of life. I think a hospitable society is a society where every being counts and every person matters."

George, I'm so glad we finally agree on something.

Overture

Does anyone out there remember my goal for 2006? Did you think I forgot about it? My goal was to listen to 52 new (to me) CDs this year in the hopes of <new-agey voice>expanding my musical horizons</new age-y voice>, and, honestly, I haven't forgotten about it. I'm way behind schedule, but I have given four CDs pretty thorough listenings. Now comes the tough part - writing up my thoughts on these discs.

The whole idea for this goal came about when Donna, frequent commenter and older sister to the Long Cut, surprised me on Christmas with the East Village Opera Company CD by the band of the same name. And so it became album number one in my goal of listening to 52 new (to me) CDs in 2006. Donna freely (and often) admits that she doesn't know most of the bands I write about on this blog, but she felt that I would appreciate the mixture of rock and opera as presented by EVOC (and yes, that does come dangerously close to EVOO).

To those of you who only know me by the music that I have mentioned on this blog, that might sound like wishful thinking on my sister's part. But my musical tastes while growing up were heavily skewed towards classic rock. Being the youngest sibling in a family full of music lovers gave me an appreciation for artists that others in my age group skipped over. For better of for worse, most of that music is now stuck with the dreaded "classic rock" label. But of course, as even many alternative artists are now learning, not all of that music sucked.

So, my sister knows I like(d) me some heavy guitar and thought I might like the arena rock sound of EVOC. I have to admit I was extremely skeptical. I mean, opera? From a classic-rock band that wears that label with pride? Ummmm...

The good news is, it didn't suck as much as I thought it would. This isn't some awful late-night infomercial mail-order band. These guys sound like they know what they're doing. It's not cheesily synthesized.

The bad news is that it didn't do it for me. For one thing, it was a little too much opera and not enough rock. Closer to Andrew Lloyd Webber than Peter Dennis Townshend. And I can't speak for the opera side of the equation, but for the rock side EVOC chooses to use some pretty old rock cliches. Nothing sounds original -they do good Who or Zeppelin riffs, but they don't add anything new to it (other than, of course, the opera stuff). They know how to rock, but they never get beyond imitations.

In the end I was most impressed with the quieter songs on the disc - those that featured the vocals of the female vocalist, Pauline Kim. She has a very good voice and without the rawk in the background the songs she performed sounded much more genuine. I guess that means I enjoyed the opera parts of this album more than the classic rock parts. Go figure.

So, that's one down, fifty-one to go. I'm still soliciting ideas for CDs to listen to this year, and I promise I won't deconstruct all of them as savagely as I have this first one (I did give my sister a slight heads-up on what to expect from this post). Instead of coming up with some clever post titles like I did for my 52 novels and 52 films goals, I think I'm going to title these posts using a song title or a lyric from the disc.

By the way, my sister got me this CD, a store-bought CD (and I didn't even realize people still actually paid for music on disc), on Christmas - even though our family doesn't exchange gifts between the brothers and sisters. It was extremely nice of her and I feel like a heel for trashing her gift. The fact that I wasn't crazy about the disc doesn't mean that I don't appreciate her kindness. So Donna, if you can forgive my dislike of EVOC, I might finally be able to forgive you for not comprehending the genius that was Neil Young's country music period (twenty years after you fell asleep at his concert).

Everyone else, stay tuned for review number two.

And The Last.fm Shall Be First

I didn't even know I could do this until Scott posted his: it's my last.fm user page. Here's a screenshot:

I've been looking for a decent internet radio type thingy, and I have to say I'm pretty happy with last.fm. That said, I still like streaming a college radio station (right now I'm heavily into KEXP) more than anything. I've also joined the in-crowd and subscribed to some of those new-fangled podcasts the kids are always raving about.

P.S. - Thanks to everyone who commented on the Green Team's championship win. I'd like to thank all of you personally, but this has turned into a home improvement weekend. My day started off with plumbing and ended with electrical work. Tomorrow it's painting again. Oh, a championship-caliber coach's work is never done. I wonder if Bill Cowher has the same problem?

No Time For Losers

The sad thing about our basketball league's championship game is that they don't have a trophy for the second place team...

... or so I've heard.

Oh yeah, that's right...

Cha-amp-pe-ions.

Friday Random Ten - The "Second Place Is The First Loser" Edition

Time for Friday Random Ten, where you hit "shuffle" on your favorite digital music player (for me my iTunes at work) and report on the first ten songs that it spits out.

Some free downloads this week. I hope you appreciate them - I really shouldn't be wasting my time like this when there's a basketball championship game to plan for.

Cha-amp-pen-sh-ip.

Click the links for free and (I'm pretty sure but maybe not) legal downloads.

Here goes:

"Think Long" - Mates Of State
"All The Wars" - Aloha
"Cruel" - Calexico
"What Does It Mean Now" - World Party
"No One Knows" - Rose Polenzani
"I Will See You In Far Off Places" - Morrissey
"Roll On" - The Little Willies
"The Look Of Love" - Dusty Springfield
"French Disko" - Stereolab
"Electricity + Drums" - The Apparitions

Watch And Yearn

You might remember some of the many odes I've written to my beloved Saucony Grid Hurricanes, or this description of the power of my High Performance Underwear. But I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned my watch. [Hold on, let me check… okay, I did once, but not in the detail it deserves.]

I’m thinking about my Timex Ironman Triathlon 100-lap digital watch with Indiglo™. today because the strap on it broke last week and I needed to order a new one. It’s not even the strap really, but the little loop that holds down the excess strap. I waited a week to order a new one because I though I could live with that little excess strap hanging loose, but I couldn’t. Then I though maybe I could just loop that excess over and tuck it into the band, but that wasn’t much better.

So today I headed over to Voguestrap and ordered what has to be my fourth or fifth replacement strap. Because there’s no way I’m giving up this watch.

For my first marathon back in 1999 I ran with a $10 Casio from Bradlees that weighted me down only slightly less than if I were carrying a whole clock around. So before my second marathon, in 2000, I asked for a new watch for Father’s Day. Then I begged for a new watch for Father’s Day. Then I worried about not getting exactly the right watch for Father’s Day, so then I just ordered myself the right watch for Father’s Day.

The ironic thing here was that from 1986 to 2000 the missus must have given me at least ten watches. All extremely nice, all very dressy, and all quickly and quietly abandoned at the bottom of my bedside table. “I just don’t wear watches, honey.”

Then I got my Timex Ironman Triathlon 100-lap digital watch with Indiglo™ and I don’t think there’s been one day I haven’t worn it in the six years since. I feel naked without it. I keep it on so much that it’s like a second wedding band to me, except the watch stays on when I go into singles bars [Kidding, I’m kidding. Ah, the missus never reads this far into my posts anyway].

So anyway, just wanted to give the ol’ ticker some props. I probably should have done this on Tuesday, but we can’t all be precise as you, my wonderful Timex Ironman Triathlon 100-lap digital watch with Indiglo™.

[Did I mention that I’ve only had to change the battery once in those six years? Or that it’s waterproof to 100 feet? And it keeps time in two different time zones? Or the way it’s Indiglo™ light makes it glimmer just so in otherwise dreary starless nights, or… perhaps I’ve said too much.]

Best In... Whoa

Is it me, or does this thing look like a Photoshop project gone wrong?

[Source]

Anti (Blog) Establishment

Supa links to the New York magazine's "Blog Establishment" issue, featuring articles with titles like "Blogs to Riches" and "Why B-list Blogs Can Make It, Too." Of the six blog-related articles that are posted on their site, none of them acknowledge that most bloggers aren't out to make a buck. Every article seemed to equate success with income.

While I wouldn't mind getting paid to do this (just like I wouldn't mind winning the lottery), I think most of the bloggers I read see their blog as I see mine - just another way to have a conversation. Every once in a while I'll see a "13 Steps to Successful Blogging" article. I'm looking for tips on improving my banner or better ways to add links, but all these articles want to talk about is bringing in the income. Attracting the A-listers. Specializing in one topic.

I find myself most attracted to "kitchen sink" type blogs like my own. One day it's movies, the next it's music, the next it's something cute the kid said (followed by a week on coaching midget-league basketball). That's life, and that's how my conversations with friends and family go. I hate when I get trapped always talking about music with one guy at work - I wrack my brain trying to think of other things to say to this guy.

I realize there's a place for specialty blogs - I hit plenty of politics- and music-only sites every day - but I don't feel as though I'm having a conversation with these blogs like I do with the more personal ones. Even if I only lurk, I still feel part of that writer's community. Some of these more personal blogs I hit are (relatively) huge and some are tiny, but I still seem to enjoy them all more than the "successful" specialty blogs.

I also think it's a shame that, by concentrating only on the money-making (but often poorly written) blogs, New York magazine failed to recognize some of the brilliant writing that's out there on some less "successful" blogs (not that I'm including my own blog in that group, believe me). The number-one reason I read so many so-called "Mommy Blogs" is because so many of their authors are excellent writers.

I don't know quite what my point is, other than the fact that I'm not going to start judging my blog's "success" on ad revenue or number of hits (though everyone loves hits), and I think most bloggers feel the same way. I'll see this blog as successful as long I enjoy writing it and people enjoy reading it. Some magazine needs to do an article on that.

February Madness

Originally uploaded by Emiko Hime.

The dream season continues...

At 9am this Saturday, the Green Team will play for the 3rd/4th grade boys basketball Championship.

Cha-amp-pen-sh-ip.

Tonight it was the number one seed, the much-feared Red Team, that fell to Team Green. And it was never even that close. It took the whole season, but our team is finally playing as a unit. Now they just need to keep it together for 32 more minutes. It feels weird saying it (and hopefully I'm not jinxing them), but I think they just might be able to do it.

Who'd a thunk it?

Comcast Cabal

The Philadelphia Inquirer is reporting that the FCC has done an about-face on "a la Carte" cable service, where you pay for only the channels you want. Reversing a previous stand, the FCC now believes that it would save consumers money.

In 2004, the FCC was headed by Michael Powell, an ardent free-marketeer who was under pressure, as was Congress, by an unusual alliance.

Consumer groups were alarmed by relentless cable price increases since the 1996 deregulation. Conservative groups were outraged by Janet Jackson's Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction," which occurred on broadcast TV but drew attention to cable because, let's face it, it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow on MTV.

Both groups embraced a la carte pricing as an answer. Both then watched as their hopes were dashed by a dense, 122-page analysis of the video marketplace conducted at Powell's behest by FCC staff.

Now the 2006 FCC says the 2004 FCC got it wrong, largely because it relied on a faulty study conducted by industry consultants Booz Allen Hamilton and titled: "The a la Carte Paradox: Higher Consumer Costs and Reduced Programming Diversity."

This got me thinking about which of the channels (that I currently get) I would pick to keep. This doesn't include the local channels that I could pick up on a pair of rabbit ears or the HBO channels that we've gotten for free since we moved into this house (shhhhhh).

Here's what $54 currently gets me, and what I would keep:

• CN8 - All the bad things about talk radio, on TV.
• QVC – Because I have money to burn.
• C-SPAN – I watch this quite a bit, but I don’t need it.
• C-SPAN2 – Only exists to make C-SPAN look interesting.
• TBS Superstation – The Seinfeld Channel.
• ESPN – Must have.
• TNT – The Shawshank Channel.
• Comedy Central – I would miss John Steward & Steve Cobert and that's all.
• Speed Channel – People, they’re just cars, do they really need their own channel?
• A&E – Neither artistic nor entertaining anymore.
• ABC Family – Featuring quality family television - like the 700 Club.
• Sci Fi Channel – I just don’t get it.
• Discovery Channel – Sold its soul for Monster Garage.
• CNN – Anderson Cooper does nothing for me.
• Nickelodeon – You know, for the kids.
• Comcast Sportsnet – Gotta have for the Phillies.
• MTV – Pure evil.
• Lifetime Television – I would like to think that if I were a woman I still wouldn’t watch this crap.
• Game Show Network – Game show reruns. Can’t get much sadder than that.
• TV Land – Not a bad channel, I just don’t watch it.
• The Golf Channel – Eh…no.
• USA – Monk and bad movies. And I don’t watch Monk.
• AMC – Movie “classics” like Smokey and the Bandit 2.
• ESPN2 – Need it for baseball season.
• History Channel – Sometimes interesting but never must-see.
• MSNBC – If I need to keep one news channel I’ll keep this one for Countdown.
• CNBC – Like I want to know how the news affects rich people.
• VH1 – Seems like the same show is always on.
• CNN Headline News – Does this channel even know what it wants to be anymore?
• E! – Whatever.
• Cartoon Network – Only good for Aqua Teen and I can get that on DVD.
• Bravo – The Project Runway channel.
• BET – I know when I’m not wanted.
• TLC – Nothing good on anymore.
• Spike TV – Lifetime for men, and just as bad.
• Food Network – Alton! Alton!
• Court TV – Freaky.
• Home and Garden Television – Almost as worthy as Food Network.
• The Weather Channel – Weather without the stupid local weatherpeople.
• Animal Planet – Turn off the TV and stop ignoring your pet.
• OLN – If you really like the outdoor sports, why aren’t you out there doing it?
• Style – Not since Nigella left.
• EWTN – Religious channel that thinks Pat Robertson is too liberal.
• Discovery Health – Remember when operations were considered gross?
• HSN – Riiiiiiight.
• G4 Video Game Television – You’re watching a channel about video games, people. Go out and get some sun. Join the world around you.
• CMT – At least they play some cool country sometimes.
• Turner Classic Movies – Unlike AMC, they really do play classics. But I’ve got Netflix.
• Fox News Channel – Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
• The Hallmark Channel – It’s like Michael Landon never died.
• Shop NBC – Is this a real channel?
• FX – Whoa, dude, they can curse on basic cable?

I'm counting eight keepers, and two of those (Weather Channel & MSNBC) could be replaced by the internet. So SIX GOOD CHANNELS! I'm paying 54 bucks for six channels. That's almost 10 bucks a channel. Bring on the a la Carte already.

Playoff Sweep

Are you sure Dean Smith used to do this during his team's halftimes?

The Thrill Of Victory

It's been a very busy day, involving cleaning and mopping, officiating and coaching, and baking and partying.

The biggest news, bigger than the impending snowstorm and the awfully scary sounding thundersnow, is that the green team won their first playoff game. Woo-Hoo!

Now, off to bed so I can dream of snow days. Just keep that white stuff coming.

E' Sottotitolato In Inglese?

All I'm saying is, if you're going to refer to Turin as Turino, then you should have to refer to Italy as Italia. None of this "Turino, Italy" stuff. You can't have it both ways, NBC. Geez.

[No Friday Random Ten today. I started my day at a meeting in Trenton (or as NBC Sports calls it, Trentonio) with every intention of going into work afterwards and reporting on the first ten songs spit out by my music player. Instead, I ended up being invited to an open house at my old workplace and cut work and drove out there. It's been close to a dozen years since I've worked there. They were celebrating the reopening of the recently-renovated historic farm buildings that house some of the commission offices and there were a bunch of former coworkers in attendance. I haven't seen most of these people since I left back in '94. It was a ton of fun and I even got to stand next to my favorite former governor. Maybe next time that happens I'll have the courage to actually introduce myself.]

Well-Hanged

Story here. Photo here.

N.A.R.A.S. Backwards

I don't know everything about music.

I know, I know, amazing but true.

Try to contain your disillusionment.

So, instead of doing the traditional "will win/should win" thingy for tonight's Grammys, I'm going to reveal just how petty I can get by disclosing who I would be rooting for most and who I would be rooting against most if I actually cared enough to watch tonight's show. Which, except for the enormous material for future Long Cut whining the awards almost certainly will provide, I don't.

Of course, my desire to see an artist win or lose might not have anything to do with the quality of their music. In fact, most of the time it doesn't. Not fair, but there it is.

Below are only some of the quadrillion awards presented by the N.A.R.A.S. I left off categories I don't know anything about or care anything about (I didn't even know that there was something called "rock gospel"). If I skipped one of the quadrillion many categories that feature Mariah Carey, it's safe to assume that she would be the one I would be rooting against.

The only reason I've included the "Best Recording Package" category is because I think it's funny that someone will go home a winner for having the best "package." Huh-huh. The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences said package.

If you're one of the artists I disparage below, I don't really "hate" you. Unless you're Toby Keith.

And the rooting goes to (and against)...

Record Of The Year

• We Belong Together -Mariah Carey
• Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz Featuring De La Soul
• Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day
• Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
• Gold Digger - Kanye West

[I'm sure the missus will be rooting for Kanye based on his spectacular Bush-hating ability, but I can never even remember how to say his name. And De La Soul never get the respect they deserve.]

Album Of The Year

• The Emancipation Of Mimi - Mariah Carey
• Chaos And Creation In The Backyard - Paul McCartney
• Love. Angel. Music. Baby. - Gwen Stefani
• How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2
• Late Registration - Kanye West

[You thought I was going to say Mariah, didn't you? McCartney's CD was rightfully praised by critics as his best in a long long time. And I still didn't hear anything I liked. We need to stop encouraging these geez-rockers. I wasn't too impressed with U2's CD either (is it really only a year old? Seems like it's been out forever) but it's got some good stuff on it.]

Song Of The Year

• Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
• Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
• Ordinary People - John Legend
• Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
• We Belong Together - Mariah Carey

[Even Bruce's weaker stuff is better than the output from the others in this category. Yep, even better than Rascal Flatts. Whoever the hell they are.]

Best New Artist

• Ciara
• Fall Out Boy
• Keane
• John Legend
• SugarLand

[I like Keane's stuff, but is it wise to actually root for a band you like in this death-kiss of a category?]

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

• It's Like That - Mariah Carey
• Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
• Good Is Good - Sheryl Crow
• I Will Not Be Broken - Bonnie Raitt
• Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

[I can pretty much avoid hearing Mariah Carey, but I have to hear Crow at least once a day on 'XPN. Bonnie Raitt seems to be stuck on "repeat" so I'm not throwing my support behind any of the candidates.]

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance

• Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
• Fine Line - Paul McCartney
• Walk On By - Seal
• Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
• From The Bottom Of My Heart - Stevie Wonder

[Unlike McCartney, Stevie Wonder is still somehow making interesting music. Rob Thomas is from one of those annoying phony alternative bands, isn't he?]

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal

• Don't Lie - The Black Eyed Peas
• Mr. Brightside - The Killers
• More Than Love - Los Lonely Boys
• This Love - Maroon 5
• My Doorbell - The White Stripes

[I love "My Doorbell" - the best song on a great album. Maroon 5's "This Love," on the other hand, always sounds like "The Pina Colada Song" to me.]

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance

• Revolution - Eric Clapton
• Shine It All Around - Robert Plant
• Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
• This Is How A Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas
• The Painter - Neil Young

[As disappointed as I was with Devils & Dust, I thought The Painter was even weaker. I'd still take a win for either Bruce or Neil, they still seem to be trying different things. Clapton, who sticks with the tried and true, just needs to stop already.]

Best Rock Instrumental Performance

• Beat Box Guitar - Adrian Belew
• Birds Of Prey - Stewart Copeland
• 69 Freedom Special - Les Paul & Friends
• Mercy - Joe Perry
• Lotus Feet - Steve Vai

[Belew blew when he opened for TMBG in Philly this summer. I like that Steward Copeland is a drummer in a guitarist's category.]

Best Rock Song

• Best Of You - Foo Fighters
• Beverly Hills - Weezer
• City Of Blinding Lights - U2
• Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
• Speed Of Sound - Coldplay

[I'm okay with any of these guys winning, but I'm not that impressed with any of the songs. These are the five best rock songs of the year? Eh, give it to the Boss.]

Best Rock Album

• X&Y - Coldplay
• In Your Honor - Foo Fighters
• A Bigger Bang - The Rolling Stones
• How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2
• Prairie Wind - Neil Young

[Stones? Right. Sure. I'm not a big Coldplay fan, but they're the best of this batch.]

Best Alternative Music Album

• Funeral - The Arcade Fire
• Guero - Beck
• Plans - Death Cab For Cutie
• You Could Have It So Much Better - Franz Ferdinand
• Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes

[No hating here, either. It's close between the White Strips and Death Cab, but DCFC had the slightly better album.]

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance

• Creepin' - Jamie Foxx
• Ordinary People - John Legend
• Let Me Love You - Mario
• Superstar - Usher
• So What The Fuss - Stevie Wonder

[Sorry, not buying the whole Jamie Foxx singing thing.]

Best Female Country Vocal Performance

• The Connection - Emmylou Harris
• Mississippi Girl - Faith Hill
• All Jacked Up - Gretchen Wilson
• I May Hate Myself In The Morning - Lee Ann Womack
• Georgia Rain - Trisha Yearwood

[You might be a redneck if... I can't stand you.]

Best Male Country Vocal Performance

• Funny How Time Slips Away - George Jones
• As Good As I Once Was - Toby Keith
• Midnight Communion - Delbert McClinton
• Good Ol' Boys - Willie Nelson
• Alcohol - Brad Paisley
• You'll Think Of Me - Keith Urban

[That Toby sure talks tough about fightin' dem terrrrrists, I wonder why he never signed up to serve?]

Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal

• Comin' To Your City - Big & Rich
• Play Something Country - Brooks & Dunn
• I Hope - Dixie Chicks
• Restless - Alison Krauss And Union Station
• Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

[I -heart- Alison Krauss]

Best Country Collaboration With Vocals

• Building Bridges - Brooks & Dunn, Sheryl Crow & Vince Gill
• Shelter From The Storm - Rodney Crowell & Emmylou Harris
• Like We Never Loved At All - Faith Hill & Tim McGraw
• Dreams Come True - Willie Nelson & Norah Jones
• Politically Uncorrect - Gretchen Wilson & Merle Haggard

[Brooks & Dunn & Crow & Gill? I love when they group up like this, makes hating them that much easier.]

Best Country Album

• Fireflies - Faith Hill
• Lonely Runs Both Ways - Alison Krauss And Union Station
• Time Well Wasted - Brad Paisley
• All Jacked Up - Gretchen Wilson
• Jasper County - Trisha Yearwood

[See -heart- comment, above]

Best Traditional Blues Album

• Live! Down The Road - Marcia Ball
• In Your Arms Again - John Hammond
• 80 - B.B. King & Friends
• Sweet Lovin' Ol' Soul - Maria Muldaur
• About Them Shoes - Hubert Sumlin

[Marcia Ball's great.]

Best Contemporary Blues Album

• Make Do With What You Got - Solomon Burke
• Twenty - Robert Cray Band
• Bring 'Em In - Buddy Guy
• Cost Of Living - Delbert McClinton
• Electric Blue Watermelon - North Mississippi Allstars

[Burke's album has just as much soul as it does blues (and rocks more than the that lame Stones stuff), but I guess you have to stick it somewhere.]

Best Traditional Folk Album

• Live From Dublin - The Chieftains
• Come On Back - Jimmie Dale Gilmore
• Fiddler's Green - Tim O'Brien
• Live In The UK - Tom Paxton
• Cajun Mardi Gras! - Jo-EL Sonnier

[I like Gilmore and O'Brien, but I'll root for Jimmie Dale just because the missus can't stand him.]

Best Contemporary Folk Album

• Chávez Ravine - Ry Cooder
• The Outsider - Rodney Crowell
• Why Should The Fire Die? - Nickel Creek
• Fair & Square - John Prine
• Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen

[I won't pick anyone here. Prine and Springsteen were sub-par, what I heard of Crowell's stuff was good (but I didn't hear much), and Cooder supposedly had a five-star album, but I didn't hear any of it. The only artist I really don't care for is Nickel Creek, but I can't hate them because they're friends with Alison Krauss and I -heart- Alison Krauss.]

Best Recording Package

• The Clouds - Stuart Hyatt And Community
• The Cosmic Game - Thievery Corporation
• The Forgotten Arm - Aimee Mann
• Knuckle Down - Ani DiFranco
• O God, The Aftermath - Norma Jean

[Huh-huh, package.]

Best Long Form Music Video

• No Direction Home - Bob Dylan
• Trapped In The Closet (Chapters 1-5) - R. Kelly
• End Of The Century - The Ramones
• Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
• Brian Wilson Presents Smile - Brian Wilson

[Tell me again why R. Kelly's not banned for life but Pete Rose is? (Not that I don't think Rose shouldn't be, but holy heck, Rose at least didn't videotape himself gambling.]

That's it. Wake me up when it's over.

My Phone's Off The Hook, But I'm Not

too stupid for a phone
that’s what i am

my phone is dead
that’s three phones lost now
if you’re keeping track

two truly lost
one miraculously found
in a pile of hay on the back of a tractor
no lie

and now, number three
sent through the wash
drowned
drowned to death
blub, blub, blub

the funny thing is
I don’t even want a cell phone
I don’t want to be reachable

but it’s two thousand six
and a husband needs a phone
and a father needs a phone

and an employee needs a phone
and a boss needs a phone
and a coach needs a phone

and so, i need a phone
and i have a phone

just not right now
blub, blub, blub

stupid.

Ad It Up

For those of you who aren't yet sick of Super Bowl ad round-ups:

• Overall, I think the ads sucked this year. After most of them (Pepsi, Fabio, all the car ads) all I could think was, “they paid 2.5 mil to air this?”
• Bud Light did a pretty good job this year. I thought the best of the batch were the “secret fridge” and the bear attack ad (though I couldn’t help thinking of Timothy Treadwell during that one). Unlike Coors Light and Miller Lite, Bud Light seems to realize that it’s a waste of time talking about what the beer tastes like. They know that if you’re choosing their "beer" then taste isn't your top concern.
• The regular Bud commercials (about the cute Clydesdales and the streaking sheep) seem to be made for the ladies. Is Bud now the Virginia Slims of beer? It always struck me as more of a Marlboro type.
• The Desperate Housewife and Lost commercials were much appreciated, since they were the only time I felt like I could take a break. See, it pays to not watch the popular shows.
• I always thought Code Red was the worst situation, but Grey's Anatomy said (and said and said and said) that, no, it's Code Black. Just so I know for next time, is Code Red at least second worst? Are there colors between Red and Black? Does this make Johnny Walker Red better or worse than Johnny Walker Black?
• The Ameriquest ads were very good. It's a shame that Ameriquest is really a predatory lender that just agreed to pay a $325 million fine. The commercials aren't as funny when you know that.
• How come the caveman realizes that there isn't a Fed Ex in prehistoric times, but doesn't realize that dinosaurs and humans didn't exist at the same time?
• None of the car ads worked, and none of the movies look interesting. And what's Paul Newman doing in a cartoon?
• Way too many ad agencies are trying too hard. Big productions that are neat to watch and then are instantly forgotten. Eh.
• My top three (of the ones that I saw):

1. Sierra Mist airport security
2. MasterCard MacGyver
3. NFL Mobile score check ("when we wanted to check a score, we had to go on the Internet")

• None of those three looked like it cost a lot to make.

That's it. I ended up muting the Stones at halftime. It's not that they were so horrible, but it was so predictable that I was embarrassed for them. As for the game, I actually thought it was pretty good. Not super exciting, but it stayed close enough to hold my interest. Watching Bettis announce his retirement after the game made me wonder if there is an event in my career where I will say, "now that I've accomplished that feat, I can retire." Somehow, I don't think so.

We Don't Get French Benefits?

The world according to the three-year-old:

The movie coming out about the monkey and the Man with the Yellow Hat? "Serious George."

The nursery rhyme about the ebony wool producer? "Blah Blah Black Sheep."

Never a dull moment.

One Super Baby

Of course, I knew all along that doom wears a diaper.

Telegraphing It In

Painting, painting, and more painting. And basketball coaching. And refereeing. You don't want to read about any of that, and I don't want to write about it. So let's try something different today.

There was news this week that Western Union's telegram service has stopped STOP Nearby Moorestown, NJ used to be home to a Western Union telegraph office STOP Most youngun' probably do not realize that, pre-fax machine, there were large cubicle farms filled with ladies receiving and sending telegram messages STOP But I knew, because two of my sisters worked at the Moorestown office in the mid-seventies STOP Both sisters are loyal Long Cut readers STOP For today's post, I thought I would ask them some of their Western Union memories STOP

GO:

JANIE: My favorite story: The 3 inch man.  Our daily prank pervert calls.  Each day around 3:30pm the calls would begin with the same question.  "What would you do with a three inch man?"  Best response I ever heard?  My friend, Narcie, who responded, "I guess I'd find him a three inch woman."

DONNA: There was the nasty letter sent by a Christian fundamentalist type upset about the movie, Life of Brian.  She was really obnoxious.  I had her spell all the words out and apparently her spelling wasn't as good as her preaching, so the telegram went out protesting the new movie, "Life of Brain."

JANIE: One time I took a mailgram to be sent to a ridiculously large amount of people notifying them of a public meeting.  Can you see it coming?  Yep, I accidentally invited them all to a pubic meeting.

JANIE: After talking to Gene Kelly's secretary and telling her how much I loved Gene Kelly, she put him on the phone with me.

DONNA: A guy called from New York City.  We were instructed to ask what section of the city the caller was from.  When I asked that, this guy got FURIOUS.  He yelled that people from the Bronx deserved as much respect as those from Manhattan.  Huh??  So, he cursed me out a bit and hung up.  I took my next call and guess who it was? He told me he was from NYC and wasn't very nice when I asked him whereabouts in NYC.

JANIE: I had to call a customer on Thanksgiving and tell him he had a telegram from someone sending him a greeting.  "The greeting says Gobble Gobble twenty eight times."  "Okay, then read it."  "Seriously?  Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble."

DONNA: There were brushes with fame.  First, I spoke to Paul Rodgers of Bad Company.  They were playing in Philly that night.  I told him I loved their music and he asked me what song was my favorite.  I couldn't think of a single song of theirs.  He did leave me two tickets at the gates for the show.  Lousy seats, but it was pretty cool.  I also talked to Lorne Michaels.  This was at the height of SNL mania.  No tickets from him, but he was a really nice man.  Oh, I also received a call from an actress named Liv Ullmann so that makes 5 high points of my job there.  I know nothing about her except Liv Tyler was named for her.

JANIE: I spoke to actress Celeste Holm.  She was very gracious and I became a fan.

JANIE: There were two basic jobs for an operator.  Taking telegrams and calling people with telegrams.  I used to love calling them although the worst was when you'd have to call someone and notify them of a death in their family.  They always read the same way... we regret to inform you that (name) expired on (date).  It always seemed so cold to read that to someone.

DONNA: 5 minutes into every shift, my hand was the first one raised when they asked for volunteers to go home.

JANIE: I became famous for walking into the room with my hand already up.  Thus being the first to volunteer to be light-loaded (sent home early).  Having gone from full time to part time and then regularly being light-loaded, I basically worked to earn the money I needed to drive back and forth to work.

JANIE: The job was horrible.  Long hours of just sitting and taking crap from customers.  There was a lot of pressure to sell copies of each telegrams too.  And let's not forget the embarrassment of having to raise your hand to be excused to use the ladies room and then clocking out to do so.

That was fun, I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I have. Big thanks to my big sisters!

Why, I may just have to outsource my blogging duties more often.

Friday Random Ten - The "Last Crusade" Edition

Time for Friday Random Ten, where you hit "shuffle" on your favorite digital music player (for me my Windows MediaPlayer Apple iTunes Last.fm player at work) and report on the first ten songs that it spits out.

I'm still trying to find the perfect online radio service for me. Today I'm giving Last.fm a spin. So far it's pretty good. It's doesn't let you pause the music and it seems to be playing a small circle of artists (but that will probably expand as I use it more). Other than that it's pretty decent. I'll give it a week before I try another service.

The program starts out by asking you to name a favorite artist, so here are the first ten songs the player spit out for "similar music to Wilco."

Here goes:

01. "Hey Brother" - Beulah
02. "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - The Beatles
03. "When I Go Deaf" - Low
04. "Major Leagues" - Pavement
05. "Someday Some Morning Sometime" - Billy Bragg & Wilco
06. "Ecstasy Blues" - Yo La Tengo
07. "Spooky Girlfriend" - Elvis Costello
08. "Why Not Smile" - R.E.M.
09. "Across The Sea" - Weezer
10. "Chain reaction (Bonus Track for Japan)" - Beck

Eh, not a bad mix.

She Don't Use All Fruit

Hey! Everybody remembers those old Polaner All Fruit commercials, right? You know the one where all the oh-so-civilized diners are enjoying their All Fruit-enhanced meal when some yokel ruins everything by yelling, "please pass the JELLY." Oh, ho, ho, stupid yokel! Jelly? Pu-Leeeeeeze! Leave this fancy All Fruit-centric dinner party at once, you heathen!

Yeah, so anyway, this morning I'm making a PB&J for the eight-year-old's lunch and what do I see in our fridge? You guessed it:

So I ask you:

• Is there a sandwich spread maker out there more hypocritical than Polaner?
• How horrible must it be to work in the jelly production section of Polaner, knowing that your department is the laughing stock of the entire company? How do you even get yourself out of bed when all you're looking at for the next eight hours is a boatload of snootiness from the snobs over at the All Fruit production section?

And don't even get me started on this crap:

Blah. As if eating lamb isn't bad enough already.

And yeah, this is what I spend my time thinking about. Well, this and Mary Tyler Moore.

[By the way, the "jelly guy" (that's him up there) was played by Jason Byce, who apparently died last year. Not that those All Fruit elitists would give a damn.]

Oooohhh, Mary!

[I just finished up four hours of post-work painting, so the usually paint fumes warning applies to the following post.]

One of the older woman at my work recently got yet another face-lift, and I mentioned to some of the folks in my section that this woman's face has been pulled back so far that it is impossible to get a read on her when she's speaking to you. You're pretty far into a conversation with her before you can determine whether she's satisfied or dissatisfied with your work.

This subject lead to a discussion on actresses who get face-lifts and how their surgeon's face-lift machines seem to only have one setting - extremely taut. Mary Tyler Moore was brought up as an example of a bad face-lift. I hadn't seen a recent photo of MTM, but I couldn't figure out why she even needed one.

I know that there is an unfair Hollywood standard that all but requires older actresses to go under the knife, but I can't believe that the woman who played the liberated Mary Richards would succumb to such sexist demands.

MTM is seventy and, as far as I can tell, hasn't really been a sex symbol since those Mary Tyler Moore Show days. Are producers expecting her to still look young? Are they still hiring her for her looks? I was kind of under the impression that Moore was one of those actresses who had build up respect through her acting talent and the controversial roles she's selected.

Am I being naive - do looks trump everything else, even for seventy-year-olds? Or does this have nothing to do with her career, and was just something she thought would make her look better?

I don't know what the answer is, but by coincidence, she's in the current issue of Newsweek, and the lift is pretty bad. I know I'm babbling here (the fumes, people, the fumes), but it just seems sad that anyone would put themselves through this procedure and think that it makes them look good. I would put it up there with the those guys walking around with the bad toupees thinking they're hot stuff.

Worse than the whole face-lift thing was this Q&A:

What do you watch on TV these days?
A lot of Fox News. I also watch "Two and a Half Men" and "Lost."

"A lot of Fox News." The one-time Mary Richards is now watching "a lot" of a network that features plenty of right-wing talking points (and therefore very little love for women's issues). The woman who once played opposite Ted Knight doesn't seem to see the irony of her getting her news from a bunch of asshats who would make Knight's bumbling news-anchor Ted Baxter look like Walter Conkrite.

Beautiful.