Even In A Perfect World Where Everyone Was Equal, I'd Still Own The Film Rights And Be Working On The Sequel

Meme-a-palooza continues!

This one's been all over the place already - Jim from The Velvet Blog (not to be confused with Some Velvet Blog) did it back on June 18, and TwoBusy over at TwoBusy jumped on it the very next day.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

Here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every item, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new item, press the "next" button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

OPENING CREDITS

Loretta Lynn- "This Old House"

Oh, if this old house could talk
What a story it would tell
It would tell about the good times
And the bad times as well

In the beginning, there was This Old House. And it was good.

WAKING UP

The Good, The Bad & The Queen – "Herculean"

Call for prayer is common 'round here
In the morning
Wash our faces go to work
There is no warning

Getting out of bed a herculean task? It's like you're reading my mind.

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL

The Arrogants – "The Distance Between Us" [mp3]

Do you love me, do you need me,
do you want me when I'm not there?
Do you miss me, are you ever thinking of me,
do you want me when I'm not there?

I'm pretty sure those were the questions I asked my mom when she came to pick me up that first day of school. It's possible that I was a wee bit of a momma's boy.

FALLING IN LOVE

Andy Partridge – "I Don't Want To Be Here"

And I don't want to find myself this way again
I don't want to pick the thorny rose
I don't want to let love spoil the day again
But it may again, who knows

Hmmm...

FIGHT SONG

Cat Power – "Where Is My Love" [watch the video]

Where is my love
Where is my love
Horses running free
Carrying you and me
Where is my love
Where is my love
Safe and warm
So close to me
In my arms
Finally

Seems more like a "make-up song" than a fight song.   

BREAKING UP

Big Star – "Daisy Glaze"

I'm driving alone
sad about you
not going home
what's to do

This one works, though the song ends with "You're going to die, gonna decease," which might be a little too over-the-top.

PROM

Liz Phair – "Girls! Girls! Girls!"

You been around enough to see
That if you think you’re it
You better check with me
Because I take full advantage
Of every man I meet

True story: my prom experience ended with my date (and best friend at the time - we never quite made it to boyfriend/girlfriend status) stating that she was a little sick of seeing me. Yeah.

MENTAL BREAKDOWN

David & the Citizens – "Let's Not Fall Apart" [mp3]

Some pretty concrete-sky was blackening my eyes
I stood here and I tried to scream, but what came out
Well, not much of the things I meant to do
With my life

Well, those lyrics certainly seem to work well with the whole "mental breakdown" idea.

DRIVING

Wilco – "Ashes of American Flags"

I shake like a toothache
every time I hear myself sing

I sing a lot while I'm driving, but that usually causes other people to experience a toothache-like pain, not me.

FLASHBACK

The Stills – "In The Beginning" [mp3]

How did this start?
And where did we begin
In a ball of fire
And stars and suns

And that's some flashback - all the way back to the Big Bang!

GETTING BACK TOGETHER

Sarah Shannon – "City Morning Song" [mp3]

You can take this any way you like
You've got to live, forgive your fellow man.

How all fights are resolved, with me begging for forgiveness.

WEDDING

Patty Griffin – "Heavenly Day" [mp3]

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here's a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we've got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day

I'm assuming "tomorrow may rain with sorrow" refers to our car's brakes needing to be replaced (thus depleting most of the cash we received at the reception) on the way back from our honeymoon.

BIRTH OF A CHILD

The Replacements - "I'll Buy"

Anything you want, dear, is fine, fine, fine, fine, fine
Everything you say, dear, I'll buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy

All right, so maybe we spoiled the kid a little.

BIRTH OF A (SECOND) CHILD

Cary Brothers – "Blue Eyes" [watch the video]

Cause Blue Eyes
You are all that I need
Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the sweet to my mean

The original meme didn't have a spot for a "birth of a second child" song, but this fits the five-year-old perfectly - a happy, lovable, blue-eyed goofball.

FINAL BATTLE

Neil Young – "Without Rings"

Electrical energy,
Fighting drugs with pain,
There's a war inside.
Pictures in my brain.
I'm looking for a job,
I don't know what I'm doing,
My software's
not compatible with you.

Uh, Neil... "my software's not compatible with you"? I guess it makes for a good "final battle" soundtrack, especially if my final battle is with the head of our IT department (which very well may end up happening).

DEATH SCENE

The National – "Looking for Astronauts"

Are we gone
Come on yeah, we know we're gone
Bye bye bye
Bye bye bye we know we're gone

Bye bye bye. Remember to leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.

END CREDITS

Michelle Shocked – "Memories of East Texas"

Looking back and asking myself
What the hell'd you let them break your spirit for?

Ah, yes, memories of my early days living in East Texas. Wait a minute, I've never even been to Texas. I must be thinking of this.

THE END

You're still here? It's over! Go home. Go!

Comments

[Janie]

"True story: my prom experience ended with my date (and best friend at the time - we never quite made it to boyfriend/girlfriend status) stating that she was a little sick of seeing me. Yeah."

Awww, Mommy only said that because she gets cranky when she stays up too late...

[Donna]

you were dumped by a non girlfriend at your prom? I'd have kicked that Carmody brat's butt if I had known that.

[TwoBusy]

Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

[jill]

my mom is so funny!